You Didn't Ask For This
ust wanted to take a minute to strike out at the natural order that lets women have children. You all know my beliefs, I'm sure, that I believe God controls who is given life and that he would not allow a baby to be born if it wasn't supposed to happen.
That being said, the way things are really frustrates me sometimes. Of couse it's all because I'm judgmental and snobby - we all are, in our own ways. But my judgmental nature wakes up when people get pregnant.
A certain person got pregnant a few months ago and it's taken me this long to (not) get over it. Truthfully, it still bothers me. One of those things I can't just let go, because it makes me feel I have something to feel superior about.
She's having twins. Fucking twins? This woman already has a son who she attempts to use to manipulate men to stay in her life. We once had a phone call from her little boy, sobbing because she'd convinced him W was his, "Best friend" and that he'd, "Always be there for him," and now he wouldn't be seeing him anymore. W hadn't put himself in that position at any point that he's aware of, but she made promises to her little boy to break his heart, and try to blame it on W so he'd stay around a little longer. She forgot that at that point, W was living for himself, so that phone call did nothing but further his resolve to get rid of her.
And now she's having two more. This is the woman who's online quote used to say, "I don't sniff coke, I just like the way it smells." Responsible, respectable, wholesome. June fucking Cleaver, pearl necklace and all. (Ew, unintentional dirty pun. I'm leaving it.) More like Joan Crawford, trailer park edition.
This is the woman who named a couple different men as the daddy before settling on the one she knew would take her back if he thought the babies were his. Stupid man, unbelievable woman. I don't know whether to be disgusted, or awed that she so clearly understands her situation and doesn't allow it to bother her.
Well, I guess those aren't mutually exclusive, so I think I'll be a little of both.
So. I'm a terrible person because it's not much of my business anymore. And she's a terrible person, just as a matter of fact, but of the two of us I'd have to say I'm in worse shape, because I'm still interested in her life on at least a monthly basis. I ask about her once in awhile to see if there's any new dirt. I'm sick.
Maybe she did grow up. Maybe I can give her the benefit of the doubt. She did try to apologize to W, in her own way. I doubted at the time - still do - that it was sincere. I look for the worst in her and always will, so to me and W it seemed she only was apologizing for turning him loose before she was really done with him. Not for encouraging him to mess up his entire life, not exactly for hurting him, but more for using him 'til she realized what she wanted. (Read: broke up with him, sortakinda, but still wanted him to be there for her when she was lonely.) Maybe it's something she really got past, but my mind won't let me believe it.
It's just... I try so hard to be a good 'extra' mom to K, and I've always wanted babies. I haven't had them, though, because I've never been to a point in my life when I was ready for them. I don't have a steady home life to bring a baby into, I don't think it's right to raise a baby without a daddy if it can be helped. The world is already overpopulated as is, so if I'm intent on bringing a baby into it, I feel it's my duty to do everything possible to make their life a good one. Settling for mediocre for yourself is one thing; bringing kids into your life when you're not taking appropriate care of the one you have is a different situation altogether.
I feel guilty for writing all this down, because I know we've each made our own decisions, and the bottom line is it's none of my business. It's just frustrating sometimes that life goes on the way it does.
That being said, the way things are really frustrates me sometimes. Of couse it's all because I'm judgmental and snobby - we all are, in our own ways. But my judgmental nature wakes up when people get pregnant.
A certain person got pregnant a few months ago and it's taken me this long to (not) get over it. Truthfully, it still bothers me. One of those things I can't just let go, because it makes me feel I have something to feel superior about.
She's having twins. Fucking twins? This woman already has a son who she attempts to use to manipulate men to stay in her life. We once had a phone call from her little boy, sobbing because she'd convinced him W was his, "Best friend" and that he'd, "Always be there for him," and now he wouldn't be seeing him anymore. W hadn't put himself in that position at any point that he's aware of, but she made promises to her little boy to break his heart, and try to blame it on W so he'd stay around a little longer. She forgot that at that point, W was living for himself, so that phone call did nothing but further his resolve to get rid of her.
And now she's having two more. This is the woman who's online quote used to say, "I don't sniff coke, I just like the way it smells." Responsible, respectable, wholesome. June fucking Cleaver, pearl necklace and all. (Ew, unintentional dirty pun. I'm leaving it.) More like Joan Crawford, trailer park edition.
This is the woman who named a couple different men as the daddy before settling on the one she knew would take her back if he thought the babies were his. Stupid man, unbelievable woman. I don't know whether to be disgusted, or awed that she so clearly understands her situation and doesn't allow it to bother her.
Well, I guess those aren't mutually exclusive, so I think I'll be a little of both.
So. I'm a terrible person because it's not much of my business anymore. And she's a terrible person, just as a matter of fact, but of the two of us I'd have to say I'm in worse shape, because I'm still interested in her life on at least a monthly basis. I ask about her once in awhile to see if there's any new dirt. I'm sick.
Maybe she did grow up. Maybe I can give her the benefit of the doubt. She did try to apologize to W, in her own way. I doubted at the time - still do - that it was sincere. I look for the worst in her and always will, so to me and W it seemed she only was apologizing for turning him loose before she was really done with him. Not for encouraging him to mess up his entire life, not exactly for hurting him, but more for using him 'til she realized what she wanted. (Read: broke up with him, sortakinda, but still wanted him to be there for her when she was lonely.) Maybe it's something she really got past, but my mind won't let me believe it.
It's just... I try so hard to be a good 'extra' mom to K, and I've always wanted babies. I haven't had them, though, because I've never been to a point in my life when I was ready for them. I don't have a steady home life to bring a baby into, I don't think it's right to raise a baby without a daddy if it can be helped. The world is already overpopulated as is, so if I'm intent on bringing a baby into it, I feel it's my duty to do everything possible to make their life a good one. Settling for mediocre for yourself is one thing; bringing kids into your life when you're not taking appropriate care of the one you have is a different situation altogether.
I feel guilty for writing all this down, because I know we've each made our own decisions, and the bottom line is it's none of my business. It's just frustrating sometimes that life goes on the way it does.
posted by Popcorn Charlie at 8:42 PM
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